Boredom
by Lola Witherbottoms
Summary: Ever wonder what Drizzt does when he's not on the road and desperately bored? Well, wonder no more! Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rewritten as of 11/3/08.

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Drizzt Do'Urden sat in the room he shared with Catti-brie in Mithral Hall, staring into the fireplace. He heaved a great sigh, then uttered a quiet oath. He stood and paced over the rug. He wondered where his friends were. Regis, he figured, was with Bruenor. Wulfgar and Delly were probably playing with Colson. He had no idea where Catti-brie was. He had been forced to send Guenhwyvar back to the Astral Plane and wanted her to get a little more rest. He was all alone—and desperately bored.

He went to the desk in the corner and scooped up every quill, book, and piece of parchment in sight. He very carefully built an elaborate monument to _something_. Then, making a loud exploding sound, he smashed it with his hand.

He fell back on the bed, sighing again. He glanced over at Icingdeath and Twinkle, hanging on his belt over the back of a chair. Standing, he crossed the room and took one in each hand. He glanced around the room and saw that Catti-brie had left Khazid'hea by the fireplace.

An idea began to form.

With all three swords in hand, he reached for Guenhwyvar's statuette and called her, deciding she had rested enough. When the cat appeared, stretching and yawning, he put Khazid'hea's hilt in her mouth. The cat blinked at him, nonplussed. With his free hand, the drow reached for his cloak, hanging from a hook. He flipped the hood over his head, covering his eyes. Then he began to quickly spin around, trying to make himself as dizzy as possible.

When that goal was accomplished, he staggered to the bed and stood up, peering beneath his hood to keep from falling. When he was relatively steady, he called Guen to his side and delicately took Khazid'hea from her teeth. Carefully, he stood on the cat's powerfully muscled back. He up-ended the swords so that their pommels rested against his palms and balanced them.

He quickly grew bored with this version of the game, however, and decided to add a couple of elements to make it better.

He got down and laid all three swords on the desk for safekeeping, then took off his hood. He summoned ten small globes of darkness around the room. If any part of him touched a globe, he was automatically dead. Also, if he touched the ground, he would burst into flames (to make this more realistic, he pretended his cloak was covered in Oil of Impact).

He began to leap around the room, his feet landing with surety on the bed, the desk, the chair. But then…he let out a cry as he slipped off the headboard and landed hard on his back.

"Rug!" he shouted giddily as he realized _exactly_ where he had landed. He let out a purposely insane laugh and rolled onto his feet, back into the chair. During his victory dance, though, he accidentally summoned another globe of darkness, and it fell over his face, completely obscuring his vision.

"Oh…_damn_ it."

After a moment's pause he let out a blood-curdling screech, clutching his throat and collapsing to the floor. His limbs twitched and strange sounds came from his mouth, until suddenly flailing his arms and legs, he let out a sound similar to that of Oil of Impact upon landed, but about ten times quieter.

Guen padded over and sniffed at her prone master, not sure what to make of his strange behavior. Her ears perked up and she turned when the door was slowly opened. Drizzt, lost in his game, didn't even hear.

"Ah!" he breathed, the darkness globe still over his head. "My faithful friend has come to say farewell! Guen…tell Catti-brie I love her! Tell Wulfgar he is the most faithful friend I have ever known! Tell Bruenor I have never met a better dwarf! Tell Delly and Colson I shall miss them when I look down on them from Mielikki's paradise! Tell Regis that he needs to lose weight!"

The panther cocked her head curiously.

"And…Guen…" Drizzt gasped, clutching at his chest, "I've never told you this before…. This is…hard for me…but…y-you've _got_ to stop…hacking up hairballs…on my pillow." He paused suddenly, then said (rather un-deathlike), "It's really quite unpleasant in the middle of the night." He let out a choked sob then and rasped, "Farewell, Guenhwyvar!" He made his breath rattle and hitch, and he went miraculously limp on the floor.

The globe of darkness suddenly dissipated.

Catti-brie stood over him, arms crossed while she bit at her lower lip to keep from laughing.

Drizzt could feel the blood rising in his face.


End file.
